When I look back on my childhood

I can't remember one happy time with my mom. I lived with her and my brothers and sisters from when I was 6 until about 13. I say "about" because she was always in and out of prison, and we were either with family members or in foster care. She told me that she didn't even know she was pregnant until she was 8mo... Is she crazy? I know I'm pregnant the second it happens. She says that she thought I was an alien... And she was serious. I guess my grandma was old fashion. She didn't talk to her kids about sex, and what happens when its unprotected. I heard that she didn't want me because I was a girl. Do I have issues about that? Honestly, I don't. I could care less. She is in my life now, and I guess that's all that matters.

I asked my mom once if she can think of one good memory for me and all she came up with was, we never had a car so we never went anywhere and she drank all the time... Well no shit sherlock... I already new that... She pretty much summed up all my memories.

All of my memories are bad. I was always being abused in one way or another, I was playing "mommy" to my younger brothers and sisters. So much so, at one point they called me mom. I have 3 pictures total, of my e.n.t.i.r.e childhood! My mom doesn't have anything of mine anymore... Not a mothers day give, birthday gift, nothing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing the things the kids bring home from school. It always makes me wonder what my crafts would have looked like. I wonder if I was as funny and creative as they are.