Older, but still my baby. J

My dearest J,

You have always been my favorite. And I love you so much. I hope when you grow up, that you remember that I did what was best for you. I hope you remember that I loved you so much, and wanted to be the very best for you. I, was not it. I just wasn't going to cut it. I was a girl, a young, lost girl. I had a very hard childhood, and never wanted to make my kids go through the things I went through. Heavenly Father chose you to be the son of me- your birth mom, and Norm and Jennifer's son- your parents. He chose me to give you, a gift, to them. He knew what he was doing before I even had a clue.

I hope you always remember how much we love you and want the very best for you. That's all I ever wanted. I only wanted the best for you. And that's exactly what I got. Your parents are so perfect for you. I wouldn't have been able to provide for you like they can. I was so young, and so stupid, I was still in High School, and going back into foster care 3weeks after I had you. That wouldn't have been a good place for you.

I am so grateful for you J, and I hope you will always remember that I love you to the moon and back twice!

Love,
Your birth mommy

Joining the world of coupons!

Oh.My.GOSH! I am so excited! I see women getting things for cents on the dollar, and most of their grocery bill is free! I am having a coupon class tomorrow

Well, we had the coupon class yesterday, I found this really great website for finding where the greatest sales are! I'm so excited to get started!

The best friend you'll never have

I like to think of myself as a really good friend. I'm a good listener, I have empathy, I try to be there for you, I try to plan activities with you, and you never reciprocate. I see you making plans with your friends, and I see how they always let you down. I NEVER let you down, and yet, you never make an effort to be my friend.

I hate it when I tell myself that I'm not going to give in to your games, and then crisis hits, and I can't help it. I can't help but be there for you. It's just second nature to me, to want to fix everything. No matter what happens, you know that I will always be there for you. I'm a sucker, and you know that.

I hate that you know that. I hate that you know that I will always be there for you. I hate that you continue to take advantage me. I hate that you don't see how much you are hurting me.

I know you know who you are. And all I ask is you stop taking advantage of me. Or stop pretending to be my friend, be honest with yourself, and me...

You will always be my baby, A.E.B

My dearest baby A,

You have always been my favorite! I love you so much. I couldn't have asked for a more cute, chill, happy baby. I love walking into your room every morning and see that sweet smiley face. Even if you have been crying, you instantly smile when you see me. I love you to the moon and back twice!

I am so glad your dad talked me into getting pregnant with you. I need to remember to thank him for that. You are so smart! Holding your head up since birth, crawling by 5mo, walking by holding my fingers at 6mo! Girl, you are crazy!! You just want to go, go, go... And now at 8mo, you have been crawling up the stairs for about 2 weeks now. You scare me to death when I find you up those stairs. I'll be there to catch you when you fall, because you get so excited for yourself, and you lean backwards with your hand in the air. "look mommy, no hands!"

I love how you love your brother and sister. You love them so much, so much so, that is why you crawl upstairs. You don't want to hang out with me anymore. You just want to be upstairs where the party's is.

My baby A, I love you so much, even when you hate me. I hope you will always remember that

Love,
your mommy

This microwave sure is dirty

Says R

So clean it, I say

Actually, it's not that dirty. He then walks away and goes outside!

Man, oh man, that boy is funny

Older, but still my baby R.A.(B)

My dearest R,

You have always been my favorite. I can't get enough of those big, chocolate brown eyes. And those long eyelashes *sigh* You are so beautiful, and so kind. My sensitive, loving, handsome boy. I love you to the moon and back twice!

I am so grateful for you and everything you do for me and your family. I appreciate your empathy for others. I think you have thee best manners for a 5 yr old! You were respectful at a very young age!

I hope you always remember that your dad and I will always love you no matter what. Please remember that we tried our hardest to raise you into a strong, responsible, hard working man. Please know that we did the very best with what we had.

You are the most handsome, funniest, sweet, kind boy any mommy could ask for. I love you alot, and I hope you will always remember that! You have truly blessed my life in more ways than one.

You are thee funniest little guy I have ever met. You seriously make me laugh at least once a day. You are the smartest boy I know. You learn very quickly, I mean, you learned my phone number after only having to be told once!

R, I love you so much and please remember that. Even when you hate me. Please always remember you are my favorite and I love you always and forever!

Love,
your mommy

Older, but still my baby, A.R.(B)

My dearest A,
You have always been my favorite. You are hilarious, gorgeous, and so kind. You give the best hugs and kisses, and I love you to the moon and back, twice!

You are so creative. I am so glad that you love to learn and do your homework. I love looking over your work to see what you are learning everyday. You are so artistic, and have great Ideas. I love that you choose water or milk over juice. I love that you would rather eat apples from McD's than fries. I love that you love your veggies, especially corn and broccoli with cheese. I love how you love your baby sister. I appreciate you and how you are more than happy to help me with her.

I hope that you grow up knowing how much your dad and I love you. I hope you know we are trying our best to raise you to be an honest, hardworking, kind, loving woman. With good morals, love in your heart, strong will, and compassion for others.

I hope you grow up knowing that your little brother and sister love you. They look up to you, and look for your guidance. I know that is a lot of responsibility right now, but we love you for it. You are so responsible at only 5yrs already! You know right from wrong, you have empathy for others, and you love animals. You have a ton of stuffed animals, and you take care of them like they are real. Someday, you will be a very good pet owner. Just not anytime soon, because I have animals :-)

I appreciate you and everything you do for me. You help me so much with baby A. I know she really loves you and sometimes would rather be with you than me.

A, I love you so much! And I hope you always remember that. Especially when you hate me. We have some rough years ahead of us, but please, always remember that your are my favorite, and I love you a lot!

Love,
Mommy

When I look back on my childhood

I can't remember one happy time with my mom. I lived with her and my brothers and sisters from when I was 6 until about 13. I say "about" because she was always in and out of prison, and we were either with family members or in foster care. She told me that she didn't even know she was pregnant until she was 8mo... Is she crazy? I know I'm pregnant the second it happens. She says that she thought I was an alien... And she was serious. I guess my grandma was old fashion. She didn't talk to her kids about sex, and what happens when its unprotected. I heard that she didn't want me because I was a girl. Do I have issues about that? Honestly, I don't. I could care less. She is in my life now, and I guess that's all that matters.

I asked my mom once if she can think of one good memory for me and all she came up with was, we never had a car so we never went anywhere and she drank all the time... Well no shit sherlock... I already new that... She pretty much summed up all my memories.

All of my memories are bad. I was always being abused in one way or another, I was playing "mommy" to my younger brothers and sisters. So much so, at one point they called me mom. I have 3 pictures total, of my e.n.t.i.r.e childhood! My mom doesn't have anything of mine anymore... Not a mothers day give, birthday gift, nothing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing the things the kids bring home from school. It always makes me wonder what my crafts would have looked like. I wonder if I was as funny and creative as they are.

Un-adopting one's self...

Can be preeety tricky...

I'm almost pretty sure that I can't, but I don't want J and S on my birth cert. anymore. I wanna put the bio's on there. Sure, J and S were really good to me. S watched the kids so I can go to work. She bought EVERYTHING except diapers for them for atleast their first year. She was there for me through boys, work, friends, everything. She WAS my best friend. I thought I could tell her anything in confidence, and not have to worry about her telling everyone my business. Boy, was I wrong!

When J called me to tell me that I need to find a place to stay that night, and come the next day to get all my s*** (2 weeks before my wedding mind you) I was livid... I called the police on their son because he was threatening to come to my wedding, he was looking into my backround and harrasing my children. I even told S 3x before I even called the cops on him. She didn't belive me. They were pist bc they thought I was starting trouble and trying to ruin him... Honest to god, I was NOT trying to cause problems for him... I only called to see what my options were. How to keep him and his family from comming to my wedding, and to stop harrassing me and my family. Neither J or S had the decency to help us get the hell out, they didn't help watch the kids while we packed and moved, and they didn't say good bye to my kids.

I used to feel bad about the kid situation. I had always promised S that I would never take my kids away from her. Her kids pull that crap, and I would NEVER hurt my kids like that. And honestly, they don't and have never asked for them. They asked for her dog once or twice in the begining. But honestly, they don't ask for her.

***UPDATE***

I just found out that the bio's have to adopt me in order to get J and S off the birth cert. Guess we should start saving right now!

Long time, no see!

Wellllll..... Its been awhile! There has been alot of changes in the Babcock household! We just finished moving to P.G yesterday. My baby is crawling and pulling herself up on things. And the twins are starting Kindergarden tomorrow!

The hubs quit his job, and is now working at this one place you've heard of! Thank god, because we were fighting about that job allll the time, and I was so over it. So was he, she was taking advantage of him and treating him like crap. We're pretty sure she was taking his tips!

I'm still doing the stay at home mom thing, trying to do daycare, and going to start getting serious about loosing weight!

R and A, are loosing teeth. R lost his two front teeth and is so self concious! I think he looks adorable! But he doesnt want people to make fun of him. My baby is getting two teeth and is as sweet as a peach! I truly have been blessed with great kids. The twins never were bad teethers either. She started crawling at 5 and a half months and is now trying to stand and walk. She pulls herself up on her crib and toys. She is adorable. She smiles the BIGGEST smile I have ever seen and she is so smart and fun! I wish I were able to go back and enjoy the twins like this. I enjoy everything about her!

The hubs is still really great to us! He works so hard for this family and we appreciate all the sacrifices he makes for us everyday... I'm pretty sure he'd rather be skating!

I'm guna try kinda hard to get good at this blogging stuff! :)