I am totally...

going to do this diet! I am scared to death, but I gotta lose weight! I'll let you know how much weight I lose in 3 days.

These beautiful twinners...

Are in the second  grade!

I am so proud of them and excited for them to start a new year.

They LOVE school, they LOVE their baby brother

and sister. They are gorgeous, smart, kind,

smart, happy, helpful and gorgeous!

Raiden bo baiden

8lb 4oz, 18 1/2 inches 7.14.12

Raiden Alva. Raiden because he's half Japanese HA! and Alva after Benton's dad.

He had a hard first 13 days in the NICU. He was born with pneumonia. Which is weird right? Fresh, out thee oven and already sick. I went in for a C-section on Saturday July 14th. All was well, I was feeling nervous because a woman in my ward had just had twins a few months ago via C-section and died for 90 seconds. Got all prepped, got the epidural thank you, may I have another? He was born at 12:30pm. Like, right on the dot. He was having a hard time breathing and they were having a hard time getting all the fluid out of his lungs.  I think they immediately took him to the NICU. I think it was about 6 hours before I could go and see him. Seeing my little baby like this breaks my heart! There are so many wires, and the C-pap is just so scary to look at. Makes everything seem more serious.

The next morning the pediatrician on call called me to tell me that they are taking my baby to UVRMC in Provo (from AF) because they weren't equipped to give him the air he was needing. I completely lost it, tried to call Benton and had to leave a message telling him what was happening. I listened to it later and even though I could't understand me it was heartbreaking. I'm almost crying right now. I was broken, sad, and inconsolable.

Usually, when you have a C-section they want you to stay at least 3 days. You have to be able to walk unassisted and have a BM. I was barely a day out of surgery, I stopped taking my meds because you're not allowed to drive while taking them. I was determined to be with my baby. It was almost comical when the nurse told me that I needed to stay at least 2 more days and it was doubtful that the Dr was going to release me. I mean, who tells a mommy that she has to stay 3 city's away from her brand new baby and expects her to stay? Obviously she doesn't know me and how determined I am to get what I want. I asked her to call my Dr so I could talk to him. When he walked in, I said "So, you're here to release me right?"  He went through his whole shpeal of you need to recover here, risk of infection or tearing your incision, yadda yadda yadda... I begged him, Please release me because I'm leaving anyways. I would rather you release me because I don't want to get into any trouble, but I'm leaving. My mother in law came to pick me up, I dropped her off at the house with the kids and drove down to the hospital. I later developed an infection right under my incision. But, mama bear had to do what she needed to do to be with her baby.

I wanted to nurse soooooo bad! It worked for like, one day... I read everything I could online to see how I can make a ton of milk and keep it. I did everything I could to get him to nurse. I don't know if you've ever had a baby in the NICU but the medicine he was on made him so tired. I stopped taking my pain meds the first day because I wanted him out and I didn't want him to be extra tired from my meds. He had to be on the antibiotic for at least 10 days, after that he had to be able to take 3oz before they would let him out. He would nurse and was only getting 10-17cc and that was not nearly enough so I was supplementing with a bottle. I was making a ton of milk! by about the 4rd day I was producing 8-10 ounces. He was just so tired and comfortable right up next to me he would fall asleep and they wanted his total feedings to be under 30 minutes. I was so frustrating because all he had to do was eat 3 oz, which seems so little but he was so tired and just couldn't do it. I totally stopped nursing, and was just pumping because I just wanted to go home and would work on nursing when I got home.

Finally after 13 days we were headed home!

Here's some cute pictures of my baby. Enjoy!

I am so incredibly in love with my husband.

The husband and I have known each other for almost 6 years. Someone really close to me recently broke up after being together for almost 5 years.  I can't imagine not being in love with him anymore after so long.  It made me really step back and take a look at my relationship.  When it's good, it's amazing. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.  He treats me so well, and I don't deserve him.  He is thee hardest working man I have ever met.  He will do anything for his family.  He gives me anything and everything I want or need.  He is an amazing dad! His kids are so in love with him and I love to see how excited they are to see him.

On the "Homemade" train

I made homemade fabric softener. Actually, I've made it before but I never really paid attention to see if it's really worth it. I have never ever bought fabric softener before because it's a luxury, but I found a recipe and decided to try it.

6 cups of hot water
3 cups of vinegar
2 cups of  yummy smelling conditioner. (hopefully you got it for free, or close to it with coupons. :)  )

I just use an old bottle of fabric softener that I bought about a year ago for free. Put the conditioner in, put the water in, put the lid on and shake. Put the vinegar in and shake a lil more. Use 2tbs. You can also put it in a downy ball and it is safe for HE washers.

Next stop in homemade laundry soap. But I gotta use up my stash, which will probably take at least a year.

Things I do...

Only when I'm pregnant.

1.  I cry at the drop of a hat. I think I'm a pretty emotional person but this pregnancy is making me crazy! My heart hurts so badly for the Powell family. I heard what their dad did to them right before he blew up that house and I can't fathom how he stood there and did that.

2.  Lose weight. I have lost 15lbs and I'm only 16 weeks. I HATE how I've had to lose them but I LOVE the fact that they are gone.

3.  Eat fruits and veggies every day. I crave oranges as if the one I'm eating will be my last.

4.  I eat whole lemons. I crave the tangyness of them. I LOVE eating them with salt.

5.  I crave salt and pepper. I NEVER ever, ever, never eat salt and pepper. But everything seems so tasteless.

6.  I eat pickles. And LOT's of em.

7.  I go to bed before 10pm.

8.  I'm tired. All.The.Time.

9.  I eat alot, and I mean alot, of cereal.

10.  I drink milk.

Thankfully I'm starting to feel better. I can now brush my teeth without throwing up. We went to our first Dr. appt on Monday and the baby is measuring at 16 weeks. Yes, there's only one in there and he has a strong heartbeat! We find out the sex next month on the 6 and I can't wait!

We're, goin to the Temple and we're gunnnna get Seaaaaaaaled.

The Husband and I have decided that it's time we become an Eternal Family. It's always been a goal, but this year, it's fer real. We want to be together forever and want our children to be with us. 

We had our first meeting with the Bishop, it went well. He wants to meet with The Husband one on one for a few weeks and then we will see where we need to go from there. I know this is the place where we need to be. Going to Church helps me become an overall better person. I don't swear as much, I want to hang out with "The Ninnies", and I want to go to Relief Socity, and I'm excited about it.

I feel like The Husband and I are lost right now. We do the exact same thing, day in and day out. I just realized 2 night ago that we haven't been on a date in over 2 months! The last time we went on a date was to see Breaking Dawn when it came out. That was back in November. I want to be a fun wife, I am so in love with my husband and want to be able to do fun things with him, without feeling bad later. Maybe we won't have gas money to get him to the Chiropractor later, maybe we won't have gas money to get him to work. I HATE feeling like this. I think once we start paying Tithe on the regular and become stronger in the church we will be stronger in our marriage.

I can't wait to share this day with you all!